I don’t even know ho to start. This is my confession. I agree with the Bible: I have an ugly heart. This is my most recent discovery.
As foolish as it may sound, such a “discovery” it isn’t only we are face to face to our giants and as I like to call it “little monsters” when our nature is revealed.
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| View of Ulaanbatar Airport on January 28th, 2012. By Mila Guio |
As I wrote in my last post, I am in a waiting process. But not a normal waiting. Like the types of waiting that are: “oh, wait 5 minutes” not like : “Oh, Ms. Martinez, you have to wait till next week”. No. Is the type of waiting that sounds “You have to wait, you can not go anywhere and I can not tell you until when I will have an answer. By the way you are also stuck here. Cannot move or go anywhere.”
I have a big problem (bigger than I though) with Mrs. UNCERTAINTY. Is ugly. I don’t like it.
My waiting process involves my visa to keep my volunteer/missionary work in Taiwan. Involves not being able to join my Titus Project team waiting for me in Mongolia. Involves loneliness. Involves quietness. Involves reflection.
At this point I don’t know who has notices the progression. From the ugliest description pf uncertainty I could give, it’s becoming something that should be even desirable.
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| From left to right: Mila (Brazil), Jeanine (Dom. Rep.), Jonas (Norway), Chrissy (USA), Jessica (USA), Garret (USA), Stella (Denmark), Sarah (South Korea) |
And after a couple of days of praying, and worship and pouring my heart and complaints before the Lord I am on the path of surrender. Because surrender is not a point that we reach on the road but is one of the layers in our constant walk with Christ. And as always I trust that whether or not I receive my visa, whether I go to join my team in Mongolia this weekend , next week or even if I don’t get there, I know that there is no way that my ways are better, more straight, more loving, more righteouss, more glorious, more holy than the path that the Almighty has decreed. So I choose to walk that way. One step at a time. One day at a time. Maybe tomorrow I will struggle again. That will be another choice. In the meanwhile:
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| Brothers and sisters in Mongolia worshiping the Lord. January 30th, 2012. By Mila Guio. |
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